Many people may not know who I am... but I feel that by writing this, my thoughts and feelings about Rory can be shared with those who were closest to him.
I met Rory about two and a half years ago on a sunny spring day outside of Saint Paul Academy, as it was my first day, and one I will never forget it. He saw an opportunity to meet someone new and took it, not a surprise to anyone. He had his hair in a ponytail and wore his sunglasses that I am sure you recognize from the picture on his page. Immediately he made me smile and became a reason I looked forward to going to work. Unfortunately I did not get the chance to become close friends with Rory that spring, but that time would come.
The following fall we started talking before he returned to work at SPA and our friendship began to grow. For me, it became more than that, or at least I wanted it to be. We hung out more and more and he became one of my closest friends a year ago last fall. I was going thru what felt like a really difficult time and Rory was one of the only things that made me forget that, or at least being with him made me happy. Our friendship continued to grow into the latter winter months and then some things happened and changed that. As much of a good friend that Rory was, I felt I could no longer continue what we were doing without getting hurt. Of course, none of what happened between us was his fault as he was very clear, I just felt that it would be in my best interest if things did not go in the direction that they were.
After that that things that Rory did began to annoy me, such as showing up late for work. I was aware of Rory's illness, as we had had many conversations about the topic, but I did not really attribute what was happening with it. I just felt that he could be responsible and take control of his life and he wasn't; I truly wanted the best for him. In March, we went to a concert together, as I had gotten him tickets for his birthday. On the night of, he came to get me extremely late. I was not happy with him and he knew it. He had said that he hadn't been feeling the best that week and had a breakdown at the concert. We had a really good talk that night about it, but our friendship did not leave our work enviroment again. I came to Iowa this summer and stayed. I came back to SPA in late November/ early December and regret everyday not talking to him more. I sent him messages on Myspace that I wanted to keep in touch but he knew that would not be the case.
I thought about Rory a lot this summer and fall, but did not call him because I felt that if he wanted to contact me he knew how. I regret the decision to not pick up my phone and call him everyday. There is so much that I left unsaid to him that I want him to know. I want him to know how much he meant to me in so many ways and for so many reasons. I think about him everyday and what I should have done differently last spring and this last fall. I am upset that he decided to end his life with so much left to live, however, I am really glad that he is no longer suffering, because I know he did. I wish everyday that he could be here again, but then I realize that that is selfish. I want to hug him so badly at least one more time; I can smell his scent just thinking about it. Although I cannot tell Rory what he meant to me and I am sorry things ended the way they did, I can tell you. I will always hold a special place in my heart for him; he will always be remembered and missed. I will never go to St.Paul again and not think of the large part Rory played in my life there.
I love you and miss you Rory more than I think you will ever know.
Whitney
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