Sadness
I haven’t talked much (or at all) about Rory on here because I really don’t have all that much to say about it. I didn’t know him as well as everyone else did, I didn’t have the stories and memories to share, so I figured “why write anything at all?” After reading what everyone else has to say, and now living with Brian & Gina, I feel I actually have something to say.
The days and weeks following his death, I remember telling B & G that I felt kind of “stupid” for being as sad as I was. I just couldn’t justify the emotions I was going though since I didn’t know him as well as everyone else. It just seemed so silly of me to be as bent out of shape as I was.
For those of you that don’t know me very well, I am a serious sad sack, I cry at everything… and I mean everything.
That Humane Society commercial with the sad little dog = tears.
Little old men carrying heavy bags of groceries to their car = tears.
When the one Jonas Brother fell during his performance on some award show = tears.
I’m just an emotional person, it’s what I do. But thankfully, after many talks with B & G, they made me realize that I didn’t have to know him as well as everyone else for this to have affected me the way it did. Put simply, once you met Rory, you loved him. He always made me feel welcome at the Spam Bandits galas. I loved being greeted with his giant Rory-esque hugs and how he would constantly compliment my insane and completely out of control hair, telling me that it’s the best hair he’s ever seen. It’s those little things that I remember and will miss, that make his death painfully difficult to cope with, even for me.
Anger
Being sad is completely acceptable, we all know that. I have recently decided that being mad is also acceptable. In my opinion, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Everyone grieves differently and at different speeds. Some of us might be completely at peace with Rory’s decision, while others are still dealing with the sadness, or just getting into the anger stage. Whatever the case may be, grieving is grieving, and you need to take it each day at a time. If it takes you a year, so be it, no one has the right to judge you.
I feel I am almost out of the sad stage, but slowly entering the anger stage, which just seems odd to me. I’m upset with his decision because of the way he left everyone feeling. I hate that my very best friends are in pain, and there is nothing I can do about it. Nothing I say, or feed them (i.e. Reeses Peanut Butter cups) will change how they are feeling.
I am very confident that sooner than later, everyone will heal and come to terms with his choice. We will most likely never fully understand it, but I think we will accept it.
The little things
I feel the need to list The Little Things that our household has recently been enjoying.
-A Magic Bullet was purchased this past Saturday. B & I enjoyed Raspberry Daiquiris, while G enjoyed her Hot 100.
-Super Mario Bros. 3. Physical evidence that B & I are addicted – see our right thumbs.
-Macie. Simply put, this girl is crazy. She laughs, then screams, then laughs again at the top of her lungs … all for no reason at all.
-Natalie. See below:
“Nattie, what did you do at daycare today?”
“(Using her best valley girl voice)Umm we played … made a tent …ummm, brought chairs in the tent … and stuff…”
Then, while trying to play Super Mario Bros., she was trying to get Mario to move:
“Argh …. Dis is so frust-er-ating!.....Argh! I’m so frust-er-ated!” (Note: not pronouncing Frustrated or Frustrating right at all, and flipping her hair all over the place.)
-Phish Food. God bless you Ben & Jerry.
-While I was trying to be healthy … I burnt cauliflower and the pot I was using. This did not smell good. Please watch your cauliflower whilst trying to steam it.
